ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My pussy is not your playground.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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