I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
