There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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