is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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