I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sponge bath it is.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
