Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
