I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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