My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
