I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
