We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
