I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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