My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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