the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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