I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
