nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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