I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
