I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
