I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
