It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
