mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
