im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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