to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
