I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
