Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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