I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
