How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
