im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
