I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
