There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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