would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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