its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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