we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize