I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
