at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
