didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
