Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
