Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
