that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
