I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
