I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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