I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
