So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
