i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
