I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
