Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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