how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
