There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
