my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
