i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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