he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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