She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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