It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
