In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
