Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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