dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
