I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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