You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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