well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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