yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
