he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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