dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
