i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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