I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
