We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
