He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
