We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize