i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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