Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize