I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
