I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
