we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
