My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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