I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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