but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
