i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
