Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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