Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
