We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
