How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
